Her Role as Mom Has Changed

Christine Wexler always put her two children and husband first. Then suddenly, the Allentown, Pa., woman found herself struggling after having heart surgery. “I wanted to be a wife and mother again, but I just couldn’t,” she says. “I was fatigued and depressed. My family expected me to bounce back.”

Wexler isn’t alone. Many women and their families struggle with changing roles after a diagnosis of heart problems. “People aren’t aware that heart disease is harder on women than men,” says cardiologist Deborah Sundlof, D.O., of Lehigh Valley Hospital and Health Network. “They are more likely to have a second heart attack or develop congestive heart failure. And while all heart disease patients are at increased risk for anxiety and depression, the risk is higher for women.”

When Mom has no energy, who fills her shoes? “There isn’t a natural person, and families don’t know how to resolve it,” says Sundlof’s colleague, psychiatrist Edward Norris, M.D. The solution can’t just be left to Mom, he urges. “Families should be there when the doctor explains her limitations and needs, and find ways to help.”

One good strategy is to learn from other women and families—including the examples here.

Christine Wexler, 56, Allentown, Pa.

Successes: She found strength in a local branch of the national WomenHeart support group. “I understand how they feel, and they understand me.”

Struggles: Wexler still tends to put her family first, but knows now that she has to be honest. “My husband asked if he should stay home from work after my surgery. I told him ‘no.’ I meant ‘yes.’ ”

Irene Dvorscak, 69, Allentown, Pa.

Successes: She founded the local WomenHeart support group to connect with other women. “I’ve committed to things like getting together with friends and taking a day to enjoy shopping.”

Struggles: She accompanies her husband to his doctor appointments but still attends her own alone. “Family members have to make a commitment to themselves and not rely on Mom to solve problems.”

Joyce Dietrich, 64, Lenhartsville, Pa.

Successes: She closed her large fruit and vegetable operation in favor of a small garden, and scaled back Christmas Eve dinner to pizza and soup. Since retiring from her job, she takes naps. “I tell my family, ‘Doctor’s orders.’ ”

Struggles: She can’t let go of housework, hosting dinners and stocking the family refrigerator. “I try to find energy, but they don’t know how tired I am.”

Marie von Funk, 54, Kutztown, Pa.

Successes: She took her daughter to the WomenHeart support group so she’d better understand her mother’s condition. “I don’t apologize for asking for help. I have to take care of myself so I can take care of my family.”

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